She said, " I want a boyfriend. But I don't know how to get one, and wouldn't know how to spot him if he was in from of me..Any suggestions?]
How to get a boyfriend starts with understanding what you want out of a relationship first. Without having a proper perspective of what you want it is hard to avoid picking any random person. It's important to have clear insight on why you are making your choices to avoid getting caught up in a moment with just anybody for any reason.
Mind you that a good choice for you may not always be based in their education, career, financial stability, race, or nationality.. Heck..physical, material factors don't set the bar on some of the more intrinsic needs that establish a baseline for the success of a relationship. It's a good start to clarify these things out first before you start going on dates.
[I have a relationship workgroup available that works on these that meets on Saturdays if you want more information please inbox me.]
How to get a man...
If we were to observe every animal in the wild kingdom we would observe that they have a way of courting each other. From the bird to the dog...all have a ritual that they engage in to come together. Similarly when it comes to the human species... looks, behaviors, style of dress, body language, conversation, presentation all play a part in successfully intriguing someone to connect with another or not. Understanding the kind of man you want will help you to understand how to present yourself to gain that man's attention and vice versa.
How to Recognize Him:
You have a need to have a boyfriend. You have recognized it. That is a good start.. But recognizing that man that is what you are looking for still seems unclear. Here is an approach that may help you become more confident in your ability to recognize the one. I think that one of the biggest steps.. a first step in you getting the relationship that you want is owning what you want.. But... what are the motivators behind that need for a boyfriend? Figuring this out may become the outline from which your compass may point you in the direction of the type of companion you are seeking. It will help you recognize that man when he makes himself available to you.
Here is an excercise...write down the motivators for why you want a relationship. After you have written these down...step back from you list for 30 minutes or so and come back to your list.. take time to evaluate why you want what you want. Are these really the things that you need to secure the satisfaction of being in a committed relationship? That blunt dose of honesty in what you want can also become a clue about how truly ready you are for a relationship.
Let's take a step back from it being so personal...objectively speaking.. What are the factors that make up a satisfying relationship? When you invision relationship what does it feel like? What do you observe in it? How do people relate to each other? Solve problems together..support one another? What are your needs for affection? Questions like these I believe can give a person more clarity of focus in regards to how to spot what they desire in a relationship. There are also stages to courtship to keep in perspective...rushing from introduction to advanced stages of relationship without any kind of discretion can have wreckless outcomes. Discernment is gift that keeps on giving. Developing this gift in you can have rewards that offer more than merely "liking what you see" or "love at first sight experiences" A person can continue to line up their level of interaction with thier identified motivators to establish a baseline for a suitable mate versus an unacceptable one.
[Include A Good Mentor]
This said...after writing down your truest reasons for wanting a relationship ask a trusted friend, someone objective and skilled in relationships (like a relationship based pastor, counselor, or a friend in the kind of relationship that you want) to help review that list. Save yourself the heartache of accepting people in your life that mean you no good. Understanding your heart better can help you ward off the insincere opportunist.
For more information about my relationship workgroups on Saturdays inbox me.
Calvin Smith MA
Licensed Professional Counselor