Sometimes people use anger to distance themselves emotionally from the pain and disappointment of a breakup. As they reorganize their lives they try their level best to keep from drowning in the sea of resurfacing responsibilities of being single again...but here are somethings to consider about remaining stuck in that place of defense fueled by anger.
If you have to hate someone in order to distance yourself from them then you may not have been ready to handle the responsibility of knowing that person to begin with... In some instances people with ulterior motives condemn people when it doesn't go their way. But people that have a genuine healthy perspective about you from the start will respect your decisions without punishing you for them. Which one are you portraying? Were you more about manipulating than relating to this person? I know it's a really sensitive topic and it can really bring up hurtful memories but the truth is...if it does perhaps seeing a professional counselor like myself ca help you to process through these negative feelings till you can handle yourself and the other person's choices in a healthier way.
Learning to "agree to disagree" can be the beginning of a healthy style of relating that allows room for other levels of relationship beyond marital. Not all relationship should end in marriage nor should they end in becoming mortal enemies..ijs A person should not be held under your thumb (held a grudge against) just because they followed a different path other than choosing you should they? Just like you deserve a right to choose equally that same right should be extended to another. Right? A lifetime grudge is a heavy weight to bear. Some things are easier to accept when you come to terms with the fact that people have a right to live and make their choices just like you.
[Ways to Get Over it]
This said, the Bible reminds us to cast our cares upon him for he careth for us. (1 Peter5:7) If we find ourselves in "hateration" instead of respecting someone's right to choose then maybe we aren't trusting God with the path and design of our lives as much as we'd like to think we are. Let me remind you that God has a good plan for you that will come to pass. Don't let one unexpected event turn you into the devil you pray against experiencing in your life. Overcome evil with good. Overcome hate with love. Gaining a friend is better then wasting valuable time trying to be an enemy of someone that isn't even focused on you like that. Time to put the weights down, accept and believe in the faithfulness of God for your life. Claim it without fear and doubt. And wish that person well in their life...move on. Your blessing is coming. Learning to be a quality person isn't always easy but practicing quality is an attribute that can help you be true to yourself as well as the person you were meant for. The responsibility to cultivate your own maturity does not go away just because things didn’t work out with that guy. You have to take ownership of your own life. Life goes on. Give yourself more room to cultivate the life you want by extending respect to another instead of hate. Dealing with the feelings side of it can be a hard pill to swallow but ultimately if you weighed it out, you may find it necessary in order to have the life that you want. Counseling can help to get through the tough stuff. If you are having difficulty handling it alone, you don't have too.
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Calvin Smith MA
Licensed Professional Counselor