My primary focus today is beginning to address this relationship perspective question in more detail. This is not meant to be a how to guide on constructing your relationship but may give you some ideas about where you want your experiences withing your relationship to go.
Fact or Myth.. "Giving Up Myself is Expected."
Do you agree with this? I do not. I think on the contrary that having a relationship with someone does not mean giving up the person that you are. Sure there may be some things that change as you transition from being single towards becoming a couple, but that does not mean you lose your sense of self in the process of offering yourself to another. It means you are agreeing to share yourself with another person because you want to share yourself. Equally, your partner is not giving up themselves but sharing themselves with you. Within this process of sharing, you more than likely find joy in the gift of each other that cannot be bought ...but can be cultivated through refined expressions and interactions. (Part of the training I teach through my sessions to help build these skill sets.) Some may take comfort in their material resources or accomplishments as a means to maintain a relationship, however, no matter how prosperous you may be...You cannot replace the exchanges that lead to love with money or accomplishments. Nor can you make a person give more of themselves than they are willing to give when it comes to having a relationship. Love cannot be rushed but it can be developed if two people are willing.
If you find yourself trying to win love by seeking approval of others or the affirmation of another's perspective of your worth, you may be missing the most valuable asset that you have in your relationship. You. Trying to cultivate love without recognizing what you have to offer in love can be quite the challenge. Here are some points that I believe can help this type of personality to have more success with their satisfaction in the relationship.
7 Key points to remember for a person not fully aware of what they bring to a relationship:
1. You both are in this relationship by choice, not by obligation.
2. You chose to be with one another for what you enjoy about being with one another. Nagging, complaining, conflict and guilt driven relationships rarely are ones that a person wants to develop.
Calvin L. Smith, MA, LPC
Calvin is a licensed Christian Counselor. He received his first masters degree in Christian Counseling from Oral Roberts University.
How to be a Gentleman.