A person with an underdeveloped appreciation of self may have a difficult time with knowing the balances between giving and receiving. Boundaries are often blurred and expectations skewed by the failure to distinguish between balanced expectations and extreme ones. All or nothing perspectives can be also be indicators that value within the relationship may be entirely derived from other oriented feedback. Low self esteem, and affirmation based confidence may be drivers rather than the a person maintaining a healthy balance between personal interests and relating within the dynamic of couple interactions.
Regaining self identity can be tricky...especially when a person has wanted relationship for so long. First things first..get to know yourself. Its hard to trust and love someone else and you don't know yourself or the product your giving.. exploring Hobbies, personal interest groups, pamper self days, even spiritual enrichment can be used to develop a balance between self awareness (personal intuitiveness) and relationship management (couple intuitiveness). Personal exercises can familiarize yourself with your own brand of wonderful...that is..humor, curiosity, intellect,
courage, moral principles, and things that matter to you. These will be discovered as you practice this balance between self understanding and partner understanding. The more familiar you are with yourself the more you have to share with another person...and this is the beginning of the true manifestation of the gift of relationship.
Another is learning when to give:
Give when a partner needs and they tell you not when you think they need can be an art. Awareness, mindfulness, and attentativeness are skills that can help to establish a filter in terms of interpreting situations and interactions. If you think they need ask....get clarification don't assume. You both are on a learning curve and knowing when and how to meet each others needs is a great skill for any relationship.
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Calvin L. Smith, MA, LPC
Calvin is a licensed Christian Counselor. He received his first masters degree in Christian Counseling from Oral Roberts University.
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3. Finding the Courage to Trust Again
4. Believing the Best in Someone Is more than Mental Positivity
5. Eight Ways to Know When It's Time to Call It a Relationship.
6. Five Ways to Keep Your Friends After Deciding to Have a Relationship.
7. Letting Someone Down Easy. Overcoming The Fear of Saying "No"
8. How Can I be Sexy, Saved, and Successful at Love?
9. So you want to be a girlfriend? 7 ways to tell if you got what he's looking for.
10. While you were away. How to overcome the insecurity of a mistrusting partner.
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