[Answer] Don't be so quick to cut off your friends....new friends should not replace old friends IF they were really friends... If your new friend demands the forfeiture of old friends, family, coworkers... is their maturity at the level where they can really handle being in a relationship with you? If you are being isolated...find yourself alone and disconnected from everyone that may be a sign that you are being manipulated by that person rather than relating in a respectable and satisfying way. Is there an alterior motive? Possibly. It's hard to say without looking at other factors....things that come out during counseling . Your life experiences should be enhanced not restricted by a relationship. A relationship should not feel like punishment. When is the last time you smiled because of that person?Reflected on something nice they did for you?WHAT are you really wanting from your relationship? What do you believe you should be getting from it? Is that person holding up their end of the deal? Are you holding up yours?What will it take to make things work out between the two of you and do you both have the resolve to try? Friendships...the true one's generally don't destroy a genuine relationship. They are like people appointed with your life that at times God uses to speak life to you. If your afraid of Every single person that you have in your life like they may be a threat to your relationship then you may not have developed a healthy filter that would allow you to distinguish clearly the difference between a toxic or healthy friend...The same thing can be said if your partner feels threatened by every person you know..they may not have built a healthy filter either. Of course boundaries should be set with friends...and real friends get that. The one's you probably want to lose are the one's that don't respect you or the person you have decided to be with...however...every action that is taken by your "boo thang" is not above the scrutiny of a caring friend...that's how it goes. We live we learn, we grow... *C. If you feel like you have to sneak to talk with people outside of your relationship that is another sign that maybe your not as honest and open with your partner as you'd like to believe you are. Maybe practicing honesty, openness and accountability with your partner is another marker for your own personal growth. Additionally, if you have an irresistible urge to not share who you talk with because you are afraid of the consequences...I would have to ask you....Is that really your ideal way of relating? Is that how you want life to be between the two of you? I think you are already looking for an out...you just haven't figured it out yet....the out does not necessarily mean that you want to terminate the relationship...but it does mean that you are looking for something to shift in your relationship's experience. So that means it's something worth taking a closer look at. Are you ready to take that look? Schedule an appointment. (405)748-0091.
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Calvin L Smith, MA, LPCCalvin is a licensed Christian Counselor. He received his first masters degree in Christian Counseling from Oral Roberts University. Archives
May 2018
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