"I Think I am Not Going to do Relationships Anymore. They always seem to end up in disappointment. I am tired of giving my all to jerks. But I am lonely...What Should I do?"

​​"I think I am not going to do relationships anymore. They always seem to end up in disappointment. I am tired of giving my all to jerks. But I am lonely...what should I do?"

---

[Answer]

It's sounds like a very disappointing and frustrating place to be...but it also sounds like your being responsible with yourself to take time to think about what you want out of a relationship. The good news I like to consider is that my "storms don't last always". Although sometimes we may feel like hiding our heart and withdrawing from life after experiencing the emotional impact of a breakup or disappointment of some sorts, being fully emotionally and mentally available is necessary for us (in my opinion) to share our love with our partner, friends, and family. Withdrawing for long periods of time can not only make us bitter, it can isolate us if we are not careful. While taking a little time to reorganize may give us a minute to grieve the loss, we should also consider that we have very good qualities to offer as well. In order to share them however, we must believe in the quality of our good we have within ourselves to offer...which can be difficult after the disappointment of relationships that have gone a different way...

The truth is...that life goes on. Inspite of our pains we still have the opportunity to have something great with someone that we cultivate it with...

That person may be a good person, just not the person for you. In similar fashion...You are still a great person, just maybe not that great person for that set of last somebodies. But maybe you were great for them... Just not the great in the way you thought it was going to turn out relationship wise.. Being great doesn't have a contingency plan...you are you and the person that gets that will value you for your strengths as well as your weaknesses. While we can't control the perceptions of others, our greatness is demonstrated not by what we've been through...but how we go through it. Being emotionally and mentally available for someone doesn't just give them a better quality experience with you, it can give you a better quality of experiences as well. The Bible says it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts20:35) when it's done in a grounded, balanced way of relating...

Sometimes the help of a grounded friend, family member, or even a counselor like myself can help process through the tough stuff when you're ready to get to that grounded part... It's interesting to observe that sometimes it seems the world doesn't blossom for us until we blossom first in it. Taking the exhaustion out of being available in a future relationship means being able to give that next person a fair shake and an accurate representation of the person you are.. That means our filters needs to be aligned to operate in a situationally balanced way versus just basing our relationship decisions and expression on our past history. Life is filled with learning. Our discoveries and refinements about ourselves reveal keys to living that make what was impossible at one level of awareness in our personal lives possible at another.

New day...new opportunities...new choices...the future holds blessings. But I have realized that I must also be mature enough to recognize when blessings come to gain the benefits of them.. C.
​
Would you like to schedule an appointment?
Now accepting clients (405)748-0091.
Calvin Smith MA,
Licensed Professional Counselor