God has got an answer for your anger...
2018 Anger Management Conference
Conference Topics will include:
Anger Free Lifestyles: Recovering from the Anger of another and becoming proactive in resolving recurrent events.
Anger & Health: How anger affects your physical health and ways to become healthier physically.
Anger & Finances: Emotionally driven spending and financial interventions to restore your financial power.
Anger - Love - Spirit: Exploring spiritual directives for understanding and managing anger
Relationships: Adverse Effects of Anger in Relationships and Successful Ways to Resolve Conflict
Anger & Health: How anger affects your physical health and ways to become healthier physically.
Anger & Finances: Emotionally driven spending and financial interventions to restore your financial power.
Anger - Love - Spirit: Exploring spiritual directives for understanding and managing anger
Relationships: Adverse Effects of Anger in Relationships and Successful Ways to Resolve Conflict
Anger Topics
2. Dealing with Hurtful Words
Dealing with hurtful words... "When you are told something you don't want to hear"
Introspectively, this topic compels me to think about how hard it is to listen to feedback that doesn't feel good to hear. It challenges us. I have sometimes wrestled with the illusion that all communication should feel good. But we know that all necessary conversations do not feel good nor are easy to have. But if it has merit than we should be inclined to listen. Anger may deliver messages that have been deeply repressed in an individual and thereby are conveyed in less than tactful ways. It is for the listener to know how to discern what is being said not just how it is being said. This does not mean that in order to communicate with a person you have to take the brunt of their insults to receive their insights. Someone who stays continually angry brings trouble back on them. Anger in extreme cases can be detrimental in forfeiting opportunities, relationships, and quality of life. However, sometimes the matter isn't full blown however it is still heated. In this case, your life may feel threatened but the reality is that the person has another message they are trying to convey to you. Not the message of rejection but of love. The emotion of anger can be pleading for the attention or affection of the other person that they have missed for too long. Developing an ear to hear the message behind the message of anger can be a skills that can serve an individual well. Here is a scripture I'd like to reflection on as we discuss how to deal with hurtful words:
Proverbs 1:5-7Amplified Bible (AMP)
5
The wise will hear and increase their learning,
And the person of understanding will acquire wise counsel and the skill [to steer his course wisely and lead others to the truth],
6
To understand a proverb and a figure [of speech] or an enigma with its interpretation,
And the words of the wise and their riddles [that require reflection].
7
The [reverent] fear of the Lord[that is, worshiping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] is the beginning and the preeminent part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence];
But arrogant fools despise [skillful and godly] wisdom and instruction and self-discipline.
[Things we know about anger in communication]
High emotions can be reflective of intense stress. When there are factors perceived as stressful they may illicit an emotional response that is conveyed in an intense way. Many therapists have identified and told countless clients this ground breaking insight... Our thinking is influenced by our emotional state. Equally that what we think influences our actions. For this reason it is imperative to manage emotions like anger rather than allowing them to go uncensored in and throughout our daily affairs. This said... anger becomes wreckless, destructive, and not warranting the attention of others, if when approached, the person isn't ready to hear or deal with that issue that is close to them. "Someone being told they didn't make the team, or they received a low grade after studying for weeks, may be less likely to receive the conversation and illicit an adverse reaction as a result. Difficult conversations have a natural aversive quality to them.
This said, we can learn to give ourselves permission to step back from conversations that we are not ready to deal with. In fact, this may be healthier then trudging through emotions that you are not psychologically nor emotionally ready to address. I think it is in very good practice to be honest with yourself about where you are with things and address things as you become more capable. If your not ready to deal with something personal. Be honest with yourself. Step away from it until your ready to deal with it rather than falling apart and as an consequence reeking havoc in other people's emotionally, psychologically and even physically as a result of your deflection.
Before you go there set Healthy Boundaries for Yourself.
Set healthy boundaries for yourself and deal with core issues prayfully and as you are able. Let's not forget that we have an advocate with the Father in Christ Jesus to address such challenges. This we know also, that God is not the author of confusion. (1 Corinthians 14:33) He does not want to destroy your life. (Luke 9:56) He wants you to actually enjoy it. (John 10:10) But sometimes there are things that are destructive to happiness. Unaware, we may have found ourselves agreeing to do the things we don't agree with as stress takes it's toll on our coping skills. Yelling, screaming, name calling, lying, infidelity, bullying...etc. We also understand that accountability to God means we are governed in our actions despite the emotions we may feel. God's word provides our source of checks and balances even when we may be affected emotionally. Principles in practice we see that God has provided principles to help us stay grounded:
1. Forsake not the assembling of the saints.
2. Pray for one another.
3. Do self evaluations - Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.
4. Confession. Having a person you can talk to about it and will not judge but help you think about it fairly with balance.
5. Repentance...to make amends and to turn away from evil or emotionally misguided ways.
Not all communication feels good....
Some conversation is helpful, is constructive but IS uncomfortable. We learn to be better at following God through Christ as we find understanding in his word that helps us to govern our lives more peacably. Here is a passage to support this:
2 Timothy 3:15-17Amplified Bible (AMP)
15 and how from childhood you have known the sacred writings (Hebrew Scriptures) which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus [surrendering your entire self to Him and having absolute confidence in His wisdom, power and goodness]. 16 All Scripture is God-breathed [given by divine inspiration] and is profitable for instruction, for conviction [of sin], for correction [of error and restoration to obedience], for training in righteousness [learning to live in conformity to God’s will, both publicly and privately—behaving honorably with personal integrity and moral courage]; 17 so that the [a]man of God may be complete and proficient, outfitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work.
[Time and Place]
There is a time and place for everything. A time to listen and a time to speak, and a time to avoid as well as a time to engage.
There is also a way to do things.
A way to listen and a way to speak, and a way to avoid as well as a way to engage.
Ephesians 4:29Amplified Bible (AMP)
29 Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak].
The truth doesn't need help being life changing. It is already a force to be reckoned with. We don't need to be animated to bring things home to a person. We speak the truth in love. We restore in the spirit of meekness. We address it and provide opportunity for growth not judgment to a point of obliteration of others. God was clear about the way things were to be done when he told Moses to speak to the rock and he struck it instead along with a few choice words..(Numbers 20) Anger can be a tool or a liability. It can bring you into the presence of great men or cause you to want to run from them for fear of their reprisal for your deeds.
Think of it this way....Your mouth is a loaded weapon or a tool for great growth. Our love can impart the ingredients to make the greatest impact for good in someone's life. Our stern rejection and judgment also can affect a person's life. We should use discretion in our interactions with others.
James 1:19Amplified Bible (AMP)
19 Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving];
This is not a direction to be silent concerning the acts of others towards us. This scripture also tells us that it is ok to speak up at times.
Ephesians 4:15Amplified Bible (AMP)
15 But speaking the truth in love [in all things—both our speech and our lives expressing His truth], let us grow up in all things into Him [following His example] who is the Head—Christ.
May the Lord bless you in the reading and hearing of his word. May your life and thoughts be reflective of your time with him in what you say and do. AMEN.
Introspectively, this topic compels me to think about how hard it is to listen to feedback that doesn't feel good to hear. It challenges us. I have sometimes wrestled with the illusion that all communication should feel good. But we know that all necessary conversations do not feel good nor are easy to have. But if it has merit than we should be inclined to listen. Anger may deliver messages that have been deeply repressed in an individual and thereby are conveyed in less than tactful ways. It is for the listener to know how to discern what is being said not just how it is being said. This does not mean that in order to communicate with a person you have to take the brunt of their insults to receive their insights. Someone who stays continually angry brings trouble back on them. Anger in extreme cases can be detrimental in forfeiting opportunities, relationships, and quality of life. However, sometimes the matter isn't full blown however it is still heated. In this case, your life may feel threatened but the reality is that the person has another message they are trying to convey to you. Not the message of rejection but of love. The emotion of anger can be pleading for the attention or affection of the other person that they have missed for too long. Developing an ear to hear the message behind the message of anger can be a skills that can serve an individual well. Here is a scripture I'd like to reflection on as we discuss how to deal with hurtful words:
Proverbs 1:5-7Amplified Bible (AMP)
5
The wise will hear and increase their learning,
And the person of understanding will acquire wise counsel and the skill [to steer his course wisely and lead others to the truth],
6
To understand a proverb and a figure [of speech] or an enigma with its interpretation,
And the words of the wise and their riddles [that require reflection].
7
The [reverent] fear of the Lord[that is, worshiping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] is the beginning and the preeminent part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence];
But arrogant fools despise [skillful and godly] wisdom and instruction and self-discipline.
[Things we know about anger in communication]
High emotions can be reflective of intense stress. When there are factors perceived as stressful they may illicit an emotional response that is conveyed in an intense way. Many therapists have identified and told countless clients this ground breaking insight... Our thinking is influenced by our emotional state. Equally that what we think influences our actions. For this reason it is imperative to manage emotions like anger rather than allowing them to go uncensored in and throughout our daily affairs. This said... anger becomes wreckless, destructive, and not warranting the attention of others, if when approached, the person isn't ready to hear or deal with that issue that is close to them. "Someone being told they didn't make the team, or they received a low grade after studying for weeks, may be less likely to receive the conversation and illicit an adverse reaction as a result. Difficult conversations have a natural aversive quality to them.
This said, we can learn to give ourselves permission to step back from conversations that we are not ready to deal with. In fact, this may be healthier then trudging through emotions that you are not psychologically nor emotionally ready to address. I think it is in very good practice to be honest with yourself about where you are with things and address things as you become more capable. If your not ready to deal with something personal. Be honest with yourself. Step away from it until your ready to deal with it rather than falling apart and as an consequence reeking havoc in other people's emotionally, psychologically and even physically as a result of your deflection.
Before you go there set Healthy Boundaries for Yourself.
Set healthy boundaries for yourself and deal with core issues prayfully and as you are able. Let's not forget that we have an advocate with the Father in Christ Jesus to address such challenges. This we know also, that God is not the author of confusion. (1 Corinthians 14:33) He does not want to destroy your life. (Luke 9:56) He wants you to actually enjoy it. (John 10:10) But sometimes there are things that are destructive to happiness. Unaware, we may have found ourselves agreeing to do the things we don't agree with as stress takes it's toll on our coping skills. Yelling, screaming, name calling, lying, infidelity, bullying...etc. We also understand that accountability to God means we are governed in our actions despite the emotions we may feel. God's word provides our source of checks and balances even when we may be affected emotionally. Principles in practice we see that God has provided principles to help us stay grounded:
1. Forsake not the assembling of the saints.
2. Pray for one another.
3. Do self evaluations - Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.
4. Confession. Having a person you can talk to about it and will not judge but help you think about it fairly with balance.
5. Repentance...to make amends and to turn away from evil or emotionally misguided ways.
Not all communication feels good....
Some conversation is helpful, is constructive but IS uncomfortable. We learn to be better at following God through Christ as we find understanding in his word that helps us to govern our lives more peacably. Here is a passage to support this:
2 Timothy 3:15-17Amplified Bible (AMP)
15 and how from childhood you have known the sacred writings (Hebrew Scriptures) which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus [surrendering your entire self to Him and having absolute confidence in His wisdom, power and goodness]. 16 All Scripture is God-breathed [given by divine inspiration] and is profitable for instruction, for conviction [of sin], for correction [of error and restoration to obedience], for training in righteousness [learning to live in conformity to God’s will, both publicly and privately—behaving honorably with personal integrity and moral courage]; 17 so that the [a]man of God may be complete and proficient, outfitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work.
[Time and Place]
There is a time and place for everything. A time to listen and a time to speak, and a time to avoid as well as a time to engage.
There is also a way to do things.
A way to listen and a way to speak, and a way to avoid as well as a way to engage.
Ephesians 4:29Amplified Bible (AMP)
29 Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak].
The truth doesn't need help being life changing. It is already a force to be reckoned with. We don't need to be animated to bring things home to a person. We speak the truth in love. We restore in the spirit of meekness. We address it and provide opportunity for growth not judgment to a point of obliteration of others. God was clear about the way things were to be done when he told Moses to speak to the rock and he struck it instead along with a few choice words..(Numbers 20) Anger can be a tool or a liability. It can bring you into the presence of great men or cause you to want to run from them for fear of their reprisal for your deeds.
Think of it this way....Your mouth is a loaded weapon or a tool for great growth. Our love can impart the ingredients to make the greatest impact for good in someone's life. Our stern rejection and judgment also can affect a person's life. We should use discretion in our interactions with others.
James 1:19Amplified Bible (AMP)
19 Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving];
This is not a direction to be silent concerning the acts of others towards us. This scripture also tells us that it is ok to speak up at times.
Ephesians 4:15Amplified Bible (AMP)
15 But speaking the truth in love [in all things—both our speech and our lives expressing His truth], let us grow up in all things into Him [following His example] who is the Head—Christ.
May the Lord bless you in the reading and hearing of his word. May your life and thoughts be reflective of your time with him in what you say and do. AMEN.
